Retired Life

Well, it's official. I am no longer employed.  My last day of work was harder than I thought, not sure what I was expecting but didn't think it would hit me as hard as it did. My sadness quickly went away on Sunday as  my normal Sunday night anxiety was non-existent. My first couple of weeks not working have been WONDERFUL! I have been filling the time with the gym, farmers market, cooking, volunteering and gardening.When I feel tired I take a nap rather than push through the exhaustion.

Health wise, I am good! It looks like my white blood cells may have finally accepted the anti-rejection drugs. I haven't given myself a neupogen injection in 7 weeks and my counts have been in normal range. If they remain consistent in my next blood test, I will only need to do labs once a month! It feels so weird being a normal transplant patient rather than the high maintenance one that I normally am. I have gone from speaking to my transplant nurse a couple times a months versus a couple times a week! I am sure I just jinxed myself and something will go wrong but until then, I will think I am normal:)

I've been attending lots of seminars in my retirement.  They're called naps.  ~Merri Brownworth

The End of an Era

Life is all about choices.  This transplant has made me make choices that I never thought I would ever have to make.....Choices that have a direct impact on the quality of the life I will live.

After being back at work for four months, I have made the choice to resign from my job. It was a very hard decision to make but one that was needed to be done for me. I worked at my Company for 15 years and the job that I am leaving is the job I was perfect for, the job I loved the most, the job I worked my ass off to get promoted to and the job I will forever be sad to leave. So many emotions are running through my mind....I feel like a quitter especially after my work stuck with me while I was sick and during my recovery. I know I have their full support but still have some guilt about leaving even though I know it will be the best for my health, life and family.

I am sure you are asking why I am leaving? The answer is simple, it was the perfect job for me in my previous life, before my transplant. I was so eager to return to work to prove that I can resume my normal life but after some serious thought I have accepted that I am not the same person who I was before. 

So what is next? My last day is May 11th and the rest is To Be Determined!  


"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
~Grace Hansen

A Maui trip and Clinic Visit

We had a great trip to Maui and I survived my first airplane trip without getting sick! I decided to wear a mask on the way there just to be safe. It was five hours of annoyance so I didn't wear it on the flight back home. On the way home, there was a lady a row over coughing her lungs up and I thought I would for sure get sick but my immune system did well and I was fine! We spent five days in Maui and I enjoyed every second. We went whale watching, I had a massage and best of all, I ate really yummy food the entire trip. I am sure I gained at least 10 pounds! We were super busy the entire trip and stayed up late every night and by the last night, I was exhausted. I joked to Joe that I needed a vacation from our vacation!

Last week I had a clinic visit and saw Dr. Bzowej. It was a good visit but not a perfect one like my last couple of visits. My ALT number( a liver test) has doubled and while it's within normal range, it's something that we will need to keep a close eye on to make sure it doesn't rise any higher. She didn't seem to worried but the perfectionist in me isn't happy with that news. My WBC seems to be less dramatic so we are decreasing my neupogen shots again. Hopefully my WBC will cooperate and I can slowly be weaned off those shots. I don't mind giving myself injections but the side effects SUCK so I am very happy we trying again to reduce them.

No news is GOOD NEWS!

I don't have much to update which means everything is going good! I am back into my old routine at work and still feeling great. I am still doing blood draws twice a month and Nurse Karen called with results from my last test and my liver counts were perfect! One of my anti-rejection counts was a little low so she will keep an eye on that but she wasn't to worried since my liver was happy. I have a standing lab order so I can go to the lab whenever I want so I went on a Friday vs my normal Monday to play a trick on my WBC. I give myself the neupogen injections Friday night so I wanted to see what my count would be Friday morning of the following week and they were not low! Maybe my WBC is over being so dramatic and finally behaving???

I see Dr. Bzowej on March 9th so hopefully she will reduce the neupogen injections to every other week. They do the job of keeping my WBC count normal but the side effects SUCK!!! Imagine your bones feeling like they are exploding and that is what I feel every Saturday.

We leave for Maui on Monday!! It will be interesting to go on a tropical vacation and not being able to be in the sun but regardless, I know we will have a great time! I will share some pictures when I get back!

ALOHA! 

Four weeks down... a lifetime to go!

Everyday for the last four weeks, my coworkers have been asking how I am doing. My response is always the same.... "I keep coming back so I must be doing good.'

I am AMAZED on how well I am doing being back at work. Truthfully, I was terrified to return to work. Imagine the anxiety you feel returning to work after a two week vacation and multiply that by 100. I was scared I would be tired, scared I lost some brain function, scared that I lost my work ethic. Well, I was scared for no reason at all and it's like I never left. I have more energy now than I did when I wasn't working. I have decided that being lazy just makes you more lazy. I am back working 10 hour days and I am loving every second of it. Ok, I am lying... I do not like my alarm going off at 5:30am......!

The most gratifying part of being back at work is that I do not have time to think of myself as a transplant patient. I take my pills throughout the day but at no other time do I feel like I was ever sick. I am being cautious and being a germ freak but other than spraying Lysol a couple of times a day... I AM BACK TO MY NORMAL LIFE!!!!

We leave for Maui in 21 days and I am so excited! After working for 7 weeks, I need a vacation! LOL.... just kidding. Joe won Manager of the Year and we were suppose to go on this trip last year but I decided to mess up those plans by almost dying so his work is letting us go this year!

One year!

All year I was planning a big one year post. I had a couple of ideas but when sitting down to write no words really were able to justify how I feel so no big post will be written. Just know that January 8th, 2012 marked one extra year of extra life and no amount of thank you's can express how grateful I am for the gift of life my donor gave me. I will continue to live my life to the fullest and remain postive in honor of them.

Since I survived the hardest year post transplant I will be returning back to work tomorrow! Wish me luck!!!

A year in review... with pictures!

Enjoy!!!

A year ago today...

Flashbacks suck! For the last month, Joe and I have had many flashbacks of me being so sick last year. "A year ago today" starts out many conversations with my family and friends. The truth is that a year ago today, I WAS DYING. My liver was failing, my body was shutting down. Daily blood draws were followed by my Doctor calling with hope that my liver numbers would decrease. Puking in just about every parking lot I went to. Not being able to drive since I wasn't able to master puking while driving. Unable to eat anything except a banana yet expanding with fluid retention. I was so yellow, my teeth were glowing white. I didn't really realize how sick I was until Christmas Eve day. Joe took me to Macys and I had to sit down just walking to the store, I thought I was going to pass out. Little did I know I would be in a coma just 10 days later.

Exactly one year ago, I somehow managed to make it to my niece Kiera's Birthday party. I sat on the couch the entire time and refused to let anyone take a picture of me since I looked like a yellow highlighter. A year later, she had another Birthday and I made sure to have my picture taken at her party. I can't wait until next year when we can say, "a year ago today, we were having so much fun!"

With my nieces and nephew. Look at me now....a year later, a new liver, a new life! 

The Best Clinic Visit Ever!!!

After 11 months I have finally had a perfect clinic visit. The past couple have been good, but yesterdays was GREAT!!! Why you may ask???  I was finally  released to go back to work for a January 15th return. This is a huge step since I was told that only some liver transplant patients ever go back to work. The odds were against me needing a transplant but at least I have a little luck on getting to return back to work.  My liver counts remained perfect and my white blood counts are still stable with once a week neupogen injections. We are going to try decreasing my injections to every other week so hopefully my counts will cooperate. This was the first visit that no other test was ordered and she didn't have any concerns. She said she was so happy at how well I was doing and to keep up the great job of taking care of myself.

I am hoping that the great visit helps me get into the Holiday spirit. All year I have been looking forward to celebrating the Holidays since I was sick last year but have found myself being a bah humbug. A combination of remembering how sick I was and knowing my donor family is experiencing their first Christmas without a loved one has brought me down. I think once I decorate my house this weekend and put up a tree, I will get more into the spirit. I did write my donor family a letter but out of respect for them, I will not be updating my blog on the outcome. Whatever choice they make is the right one.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Unlike most people, I am not going to list the things that I am thankful for. I don't need a Holiday to express how thankful I am. For months after my transplant I wondered why this happened to me and everyday the reason becomes more clear. This ordeal has made me more thankful, more strong, and overall, a better person. I hope that those close to me have also become better people because of it. Life is so precious and every day needs to be cherished as it can disappear at any time.

Today marks one year from when I woke up with right rib pain and realized something was wrong. Who would have ever thought the pain was actually my liver that was starting to fail. I didn't eat much and didn't feel good. Today, I feel GREAT and plan to eat the day away while enjoying the day with my family.

I hope everyone will count their blessings this Thanksgiving and always.

Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.  ~Edward Sandford Martin

Please send some extra love and prayers to my donor family today.